Work is Hellish, Health Bennies Are Heaven

So yesterday was my first day back to work after a week of medical leave. God what a joy it was to have that much time for rest and convalescence! I soaked it all up and my spirits were soaring by week's end. I read four books, finished three knitting projects, and stared out the window at blue skies and greenery when I wasn't sleeping or napping with the cat curled up on my bed.

Yes of course I was in some pain for the first several days after going under for outpatient surgery on July 20, but that discomfort was nothing compared to what I've endured emotionally for the past year at what was once a dream job. I can now completely understand the frightening truth in phrases like, "I'd rather be boiled in oil than ever work with that person again." I also understand what it means to have one's hopes completely dashed.

I dreaded going back to work, but comparatively speaking, the day wasn't really so bad. I didn't receive any emails berating me for being a less than perfect human being or for having an unacceptable tone in my voice. I didn't receive any criticism for failing to provide the desired result when presented with an impossible task. I wasn't asked to be anyone's surrogate in doing their dirty work. I was, blessedly, left alone to be on hold with Time Warner Cable for one hour. And if holding for an hour with Time Warner sounds good, then you know how bad other scenarios could be.

The primary reason I haven't given notice is because of the health benefits, thanks to which I received excellent care at Cedars Sinai on the 20th and then had a whole week of paid leave to recover. I am Thank-You-God grateful for those things. I fear for any American who does not have health insurance or who has to go into debt to pay medical bills (check out today's lead editorial in the New York Times for info on what happens to Americans with a load of credit card debt).

But what if the job itself is making me sick? What if the rudeness, the bullying, the micro-managing, the faultfinding, the nitpicking, and the criticizing of an empowered management-backed control freak in the mix is making me sick? This is what they mean by abuse of power. Would it not be better to quit and take my chances with penury than endure this indefinite assault on my integrity, emotional well-being, and peace of mind?

Well, I'm working that out with my therapist. Fortunately, my health benefits cover up to $60 per visit up to 20 visits. We should have it all sorted out by year-end.

Roadrunner Speed at Time Warner Cable

I've been on hold with Time Warner Cable for 30 minutes. Fortunately I'm using a headset, so my hands are free for more productive activities, like writing this post.

I have to wonder how long it will take for a human being to take my call and explain why a recent bill contains a double-billing error. Since the $748.66 payment should have been half that much and has already been automatically deducted from a corporate credit card, this is a serious problem that only a live human being can solve. So I'm holding.

Every five minutes or so, the Terms-of Endearment-inspired musack is interupted by a robot voice that assures me, "the next available representative will be with you shortly." But what does "shortly" mean exactly? Thirty more minutes? Two hours? I'm really not quite sure it means, considering the circumstances.

The robot also informs me that my call may be monitored or recorded "to help ensure quality service." But how does recording my future conversation with a Time Warner customer service representative make up for the lack of quality service I'm experiencing right now? right fucking NOW? Or the $374 that has already been mistakenly charged to a corporate credit card? And what if the line gets disconnected before I'm able to have my quality assurance monitored session with Time Warner? Then I will have to call back and start all over and these 40 minutes of holding will be a complete waste.

And what about the waste of my time? Even though I'm using a headset, what if I had to go to the bathroom after, say, 20 more minutes of holding? If I thought, "Well, I've been holding for 45 minutes now, so if I dart down the hall for five minutes, odds are I'll still be holding, right?" Wrong. If I dart down the hall, the call will be answered. But if I don't dart down the hall, it won't be answered. Murphys Law. The call will NEVER be answered as long as I'm sitting here. But the minute I leave, it will be answered.

After the musack plays again for a minute or two and the prior two messages have recycled a few times, a different robot interrupts with what sounds like a sincere message of apology: "We're VERY sorry you're still on hold. We appreciate your patience and look forward to being of service to you." But how sorry are they really? Sorry enough to give me a $374 credit instead of the $374 mistake? I really want to know how they will demonstrate their remorse for all this time I've spent on the phone, and that alone keeps me on the line.

As if these messages were not annoying enough (I've heard them each about twenty times now), Time Warner also punctuates my holding time by trying to sell me things like digital cable, high-speed online service, new ways to save money, bundle packages called 'all the best', three different levels of roadrunner speed, power to control over 200 channels and watch what I want, when I want. "That's the power of YOU," I'm told. But why would I purchase ANYthing else from Time Warner when what I really want is for them to answer my frickin' billing question with roadrunner speed?

Wait, I think I get it. After holding for an hour or so and hearing ALL the sales pitches, someone will take the call. By then I will have been subliminally influenced by the repetitious ad pitches and willing to buy anything, ANYthing at all, from Time Warner Cable. The power of me is really the power of them. But now it's 5:00 and time for me to go home. Despite my 60 minute investment in this phone call to Time Warner, I would rather go home. Still, I'm tempted to put the call on hold just to see -- I mean just for the hell of it, okay -- if the call is STILL HOLDING when I get back in tomorrow at 9:00!

Well, this is why I have a job. Because the billing problem is still not solved, and I can look forward to another Time Warner phone hold tomorrow. God bless America.

Happy Bastille Day! I am a Francophile, no apologies.

Here's to the French, their amazing cuisine, their precious wine, their art, and their beautiful language. Happy Bastille Day! Vive la France!

I want to say for the record that I don't understand Americans who hate the French - even if they can be rude to tourists and imperfect in their politics (we aren't, right?). I sometimes see some nitwit guy who commutes up Coldwater Canyon in a white van with a bumper sticker that says "Boycott France." He also has one that says "W". I'll bet he eats Freedom Fries too.

Americans who hate the French with knee-jerk jingoistic ignorance haven't boned up on their history. In part, we owe the birth of our own country to the support provided by the French during the American Revolution. Without Lafayette's ships and French troop support on the ground, American revolutionaries were destined to lose (and badly) to the British. They were on the brink, and the French arrived right in time. (So maybe we have some kind of subconscious national ego issue with that?)

The French paid a huge economic price for their involvement in our revolution. The French Revolution in part occurred because Louis the XVI's decision to provide financial support to the Americans bankrupted the French treasury, leading to the bread shortages and starvation, revolutionary fervor, hatred and scapegoating of Marie Antoinette, and the inspiration behind the speech given by Camille Desmoulins from a table in a Parisian tavern 218 years ago that directly lead to the storming of the Bastille. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

But wait, yes I do understand Americans who hate the French! It's because Chirac didn't support the American invasion of Iraq five years ago! And look how wrong those French all were. Not to mention all the other international entities (and United Nations) who were opposed to the invasion. Five years later, we're really close to getting that mission accomplished. (Sorry, what was the mission again?) I mean, that's what President Bush says, right? We are so close to success in Iraq! (How many soldiers lives have been lost? How many Iraqis are dead?)

Sarcasm aside, the petulant foolishness of anti-French sentiment bothers me. Give me some good reason for it, at least. I mean, they do have a real problem with anti-Semitism over there, so that would be one good reason. Here's a really bad one:

Several years ago I had brunch with my childhood friend Barbara and her husband Mike. We were on the terrace of Splash in Laguna Beach overlooking the ocean. I'd recently visited Montreal and Barb asked me if we should go sometime. We'd traveled to New Orleans together in 1994 and loved it. I said Montreal was a great city, uniquely bilingual, and I loved being able to speak French as well as English there.

Mike chimed in, "They refuse to speak English there."

"They speak English," I corrected.

"No," he said, shaking his head, "they don't."

"But they do," I insisted, not realizing yet that I was dealing with a cretin. "They spoke English with me many times. I preferred to speak French, but when they heard my American accent, they invariably switched to English."

"No," he insisted, "they don't speak English. The French refuse to speak English."

"But we're talking about Canadians, Mike. In Montreal, they are French Canadians. And I'm telling you they spoke English with me. But just so you know, many French people also spoke English with me on my trips to France."

Mike stubborningly insisted, "No, no they refuse to speak English."

I was annoyed. "What's your problem? I keep telling you they spoke English. I don't understand why you refuse to believe me."

At this point, Barb spoke up quietly, "It's because the French refused to support the Iraq war."

"But we're talking about Canadians, not the French, and anyway, that has nothing to do with Iraq."

But Mike just shook his head. "Yes it does. They're French. They came from France two hundred years ago."

"Okay," I said, "then I guess we're British, since we came from England 200 years ago."

God bless America.

Iraq Veterans Against the War

I want to thank Sage for bringing to my attention the organization Iraq Veterans Against the War in one of her comments on this blog. I'm posting the group's stated ten reasons for opposing the war. Why? Because lots of yellow ribbon stickers on SUVs all over town tell me to support our troops. You can explore the group's website further at www.ivaw.org if you want to support our troops by listening to what some of them have to say.

Q: Why are veterans, active duty, and National Guard men and women opposed to the war in Iraq?

A: Here are 10 reasons we oppose this war:

1. The Iraq war is based on lies and deception. The Bush Administration planned for an attack against Iraq before September 11th, 2001. They used the false pretense of an imminent nuclear, chemical and biological weapons threat to deceive Congress into rationalizing this unnecessary conflict. They hide our casualties of war by banning the filming of our fallen's caskets when they arrive home, and when they refuse to allow the media into Walter Reed Hospital and other Veterans Administration facilities which are overflowing with maimed and traumatized veterans.For further reading: www.motherjones.com/bush_war_timeline/index.html

2. The Iraq war violates international law. The United States assaulted and occupied Iraq without the consent of the UN Security Council. In doing so they violated the same body of laws they accused Iraq of breaching.For further reading:http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/imt/proc/imtconst.htmhttp://www.westpointgradsagainstthewar.org/
3. Corporate profiteering is driving the war in Iraq. From privately contracted soldiers and linguists to no-bid reconstruction contracts and multinational oil negotiations, those who benefit the most in this conflict are those who suffer the least. The United States has chosen a path that directly contradicts President Eisenhower's farewell warning regarding the military industrial complex. As long as those in power are not held accountable, they will continue... For further reading:http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0714-01.htmhttp://www.publicintegrity.org/wow/

4. Overwhelming civilian casualties are a daily occurrence in Iraq. Despite attempts in training and technological sophistication, large-scale civilian death is both a direct and indirect result of United States aggression in Iraq. Even the most conservative estimates of Iraqi civilian deaths number over 100,000. Currently over 100 civilians die every day in Baghdad alone.For further reading: http://www.nomorevictims.org/http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0,2763,1338749,00.htmlhttp://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F70A1EF73C5A0C758DDDA10894DE404482

5. Soldiers have the right to refuse illegal war. All in service to this country swear an oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. However, they are prosecuted if they object to serve in a war they see as illegal under our Constitution. As such, our brothers and sisters are paying the price for political incompetence, forced to fight in a war instead of having been sufficiently trained to carry out the task of nation-building.For further reading:http://thankyoult.live.radicaldesigns.org/content/view/172/http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6ZHYcG_EMhttp://youtube.com/watch?v=1dAXQeH7y9g&mode=related&search=http://girights.objector.org

6. Service members are facing serious health consequences due to our Government's negligence. Many of our troops have already been deployed to Iraq for two, three, and even four tours of duty averaging eleven months each. Combat stress, exhaustion, and bearing witness to the horrors of war contribute to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a serious set of symptoms that can lead to depression, illness, violent behavior, and even suicide. Additionally, depleted uranium, Lariam, insufficient body armor and infectious diseases are just a few of the health risks which accompany an immorally planned and incompetently executed war. Finally, upon a soldier's release, the Veterans Administration is far too under-funded to fully deal with the magnitude of veterans in need.For further reading:http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/http://www.vets4vets.us/

7. The war in Iraq is tearing our families apart. The use of stop-loss on active duty troops and the unnecessarily lengthy and repeat active tours by Guard and Reserve troops place enough strain on our military families, even without being forced to sacrifice their loved ones for this ongoing political experiment in the Middle East.For further reading: http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0,13319,FL_loss_092704,00.html

8. The Iraq war is robbing us of funding sorely needed here at home.$5.8 billion per month is spent on a war which could have aided the victims of Hurricane Katrina, gone to impoverished schools, the construction of hospitals and health care systems, tax cut initiatives, and a host of domestic programs that have all been gutted in the wake of the war in Iraq. For further reading:http://www.costofwar.com

9. The war dehumanizes Iraqis and denies them their right to self-determination.Iraqis are subjected to humiliating and violent checkpoints, searches and home raids on a daily basis. The current Iraqi government is in place solely because of the U.S. military occupation. The Iraqi government doesn’t have the popular support of the Iraqi people, nor does it have power or authority. For many Iraqis the current government is seen as a puppet regime for the U.S. occupation. It is undemocratic and in violation of Iraq’s own right to self-governance. For further reading:http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/

10. Our military is being exhausted by repeated deployments, involuntary extensions, and activations of the Reserve and National Guard.The majority of troops in Iraq right now are there for at least their second tour. Deployments to Iraq are becoming longer and many of our service members are facing involuntary extensions and recalls to active duty. Longstanding policies to limit the duration and frequency of deployments for our part-time National Guard troops are now being overturned to allow for repeated, back-to-back tours in Iraq. These repeated, extended combat tours are taking a huge toll on our troops, their families, and their communities.For further reading: http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-military12jan12,0,7198945.story?coll=la-home-headlines

Free Speech and Supporting Our Troops

So I may be the last to know about this particular free speech and theater story. In March, the principal of Wilton High School in Connecticut banned the performance of "Voices in Conflict," a play put together by senior drama students and directed by their teacher that uses real words from the blogs, books, letters, and interviews of American Iraq-war soldiers. In blocking the performance, the principal in effect also suppressed the voices of the American soldiers themselves. He deemed the themes and material "too controversial." But isn't dialogue and awareness what education is supposed to foster and encourage? I guess not if the truth hurts some people's feelings. I didn't know the First Amendment included that qualification.

In any event, the suppressed play about the Iraq war finally took the stage at the Vineyard Theatre in Manhattan on June 9 and at the Culture Project on June 10. The final performance will be at the Public Theatre on June 15. The official website http://voicesinconflict.com/ says these will be the last public performances. Although perhaps there's some good reason for that, it seems to me that encouraging young thespians to dramatically explore this controversial issue at the same time they honor the voices of actual soldiers on stage is a concrete, creative and constructive way to support our troops.

Congratulations, Jennie and Derek!

I think this is what true love looks like! I'm so happy for my friend Jennie, who was married in Italy last month to her longtime love, Derek. Excuse me, but how much more romantic can you get? Congratulations to both!

Jennie is a true-blue friend, one of the warmest-hearted strong-loving women I know. I met her ten years ago when we were in the trenches together at the Jeffer, Mangels law firm and found that we shared writing aspirations. She gave me my copy of "The Writer's Way" by Julia Cameron, with the inscription: "Somewhere inside you is a brilliant story that only you can tell. I hope this book helps bring that story out of you and into the light." That right there tells you what a great friend she is. And she's super creative - like, organizing gals-only champagne-driven ornament-decorating parties every holiday season in the charming Encino home she shares with Derek and two adorable canines, Babe and Rufus. Like me, she's a proud native-born San Fernando Valley Girl, and you can explore her blog here: www.valleygirly.blogspot.com.

The Hoosegow for Paris

On the day that Paris Hilton was sent back to jail, the Los Angeles bureau chief of the New York Times breezed out of her office and announced, "Well, hell froze over today!" I looked up from my work at the front desk and asked, "What do you mean?" My so-called boss lingered just long enough to tell me, with her trademark sneer, that the plight of the pampered, vapid heiress would be on page 1 of Saturday's paper.

Right. In the old days, hell would freeze over before the New York Times put a story about a sobbing society girl caught in the maw of the Los Angeles County legal system on the front page. About how she was taken in handcuffs from her Hollywood Hills mansion and deposited unceremoniously in the back of a black and white police cruiser. About how the first unbeauteous moment of her life was captured and delivered to the globe by one of a swarm of photographers snapping shots from around the car when she turned her blotchy-red face towards the world of freedom she was leaving behind. Gone forever is the image of Paris Hilton as a sublimely entitled, glamorous goddess for whom the rules don't apply.

I've paid scant attention to Ms. Hilton, who appears puzzlingly one-dimensional and frankly vacant. I couldn't comprehend the fuss over this flimsy creature. My sister Carolyn actually cancelled her Vanity Fair subscription when they put her on the cover. "Who is she?" Carolyn exclaimed. "She's nothing! She hasn't done anything! All she is is rich. It's despicable."

One day, I ran into her on Robertson Boulevard in Beverly Hills. Actually, what I saw at first was a gaggle of photographers surrounding a blonde head that bobbed as it crossed the street amidst the flashing bulbs. "Who is that?" I asked an ogling bystander. "Paris Hilton!" Of course. Emerging from Kitson or some such place. If I scanned a future copy of InStyle Magazine I'd likely catch a photo of that moment along with a blurb about the $350 t-shirt Paris had purchased that day. I might even see myself bug-eyed in the background.

Except I wasn't bug-eyed. I stood pensively as she passed within six feet of me. I was struck by an earthy loveliness that contrasted with her smug glam shots, and sensed a sweetness in her aura. Okay, maybe that's just the sweetness of having so much money that you don't have to make a living working for some abusive bullying asshole. But a photographer recently told me that Paris actually is kinda sweet. He said he'd covered a runway show that month, and Paris was the only model who came out afterwards and politely thanked everyone who had participated. "But don't get me wrong," he hastily added, not wanting to seem like an admirer, "I know there's really no excuse for her reckless arrogance!"

Now that she's been ordered back to jail, she will learn some lessons about true character in the absence of the trappings of wealth. All the crying for her mommy and all of her stratospheric privilege could not protect her from the consequences of the indifference she exhibited in the wake of her DUI conviction.

I can't gloat too much about it, though. In fact, I can't gloat at all. I've been there - there in one of those police cars, handcuffed. It ain't fun. It's humiliating. Unlike Paris, however, I got my hysteria out of the way during the arrest and pulled myself together in the long aftermath because I knew the rules applied to me, and like the good girl scout I'd always been, I obeyed them.

Paris did not get hysterical during her arrest or during her probationary period because she didn't think the rules applied to her. Or maybe her publicist forgot to explain. She didn't think she'd have to spend any cold nights in jail. They really do only give you three blankets (actually, in my case, just one, but fortunately the big suede jacket I was wearing the night I was arrested came in handy). I didn't have to wear an orange jumpsuit like Paris does now, because I took every aspect of the DUI legal process seriously and therefore wasn't ever sentenced to punitive jail time. I did not drink. I did not ever once drive in the six month probation period. I signed up immediately for the "drunk class" education courses and spent three hours every Monday night for three months being scolded by a big black guy named Dan. And I went to the mandatory AA meetings.

Paris did none of these things. No pun intended, but I sure hope she gets with the program. Johnny Law takes this DUI shit seriously. There's lots of money being made by those drunk education schools and from fees by the courts. Most seriously, folks die on the road every day because of drunk drivers. When I think about how much I went through and how much it all cost - thousands of dollars may mean nothing to Paris, but for me it meant taking on a second job to get through the ordeal - I'd frankly be really pissed off if she didn't have to get with the program just like I did.

At the same time, I do think the judge is being overly harsh (making a reverse example of her, if you will) and that Sheriff Baca likely pulled her out of jail for good reason (most likely hysterical claustrophobia). But Paris's mommy hasn't helped matters much and that didn't sit well with the judge. Kathy Hilton was there snickering in the courtroom at Paris's original hearing every time the judge mentioned the possibility of jail time. She was snickering because - come on, no judge was really going to send a Hilton to jail. And then when Paris was sentenced, how mommy dearest screamed "No!!!" How reality dawned with a big ugly boom in that bimbo billionaire brain of hers. And now her daughter is paying. Not that it's entirely mommy's fault, of course, but the apple probably didn't fall far from the tree.

So good luck, Paris. It's a real tough way to learn a lesson. I found a way to transform my shame into one of the best turning points of my life. I hope you will too, girl.